Friday, July 26, 2013

How to Land a Lady in the Street But a Freak in the Bed

Act #207:  Get over yourself.

Dear Guy Seeking the Kind of Girl You Can Take Home to Mom,

Wouldn't you be better off seeking the kind of girl who wasn't full of sh** just to impress the woman who birthed you from her vagina?  I have news for you.  I'm a mom.  And someday if my son chooses to invite a girlfriend over for dinner, I would see right through her shenanigans.  I'll only be in my 50's, I'll still have a brain you idiot.  Do you know how utterly offensive it is for you to even imply that we come in neat little pretty packages like that?  Are you suggesting that there are only two kinds of women to begin with?  The kind worthy enough to introduce to your parents, and the kind you can just make non-committal booty calls to every night?  I bet you not only want the kind of girl you can take home to mom, but you also want a lady in the street and a freak in the bed. Yep, you want us to wear pencil skirts below the knee and drink afternoon tea with your mommy, but then you want to hike that same pencil skirt up and have dirty, kinky sex with us in the car on the way home. I have more news for you.  Until you are willing to offer up the same deal here, well, quite frankly, you're a hypocrite.  That is until you are willing to be the kind of guy we can take home to dad - go ahead, prove your manliness to us by killing a dear or gutting a rabbit with your bare hands in front of our dads.....until you are willing to be a man in the street (and battle late-night ninjas and bandits in out honor), but feed us grapes, massage our feet, and set aside all of your manly desires just to please US in bed......we refuse, I repeat, refuse to perpetuate your silly, unrealistic fairy-tale fantasies about the perfect woman.

Hard as this may be to swallow, it's not all about you.  The majority of us don't spend our girlhoods preparing ourselves to meet the needs of a man........or his mama, for that matter.  We kinda have better things to run corporations and impact social change.....and make the world a place where guys no longer seek the kind of girl he can take home to mom, but rather the kind of woman who has a mind of her own, and is a solid, contributing life partner.  If she happens to be a freak in bed too, well aren't you the lucky one.

Freak in the street, in the bed, and everywhere else.  Don't worry, Your mom is probably one too.  We'll get along just fine.


No comments:

Post a Comment