Thursday, September 19, 2013

How to Not Be a Jerk To Your Tech Guy (or Gal)

Act #262:  Be kind to service providers (aka "human beings").

Dear People With Broken Computers,

Please be kind to your tech guy. I know it's frustrating to, in the blink of an eye, lose that entire term paper you've been working on for three weeks.  I know you practically want to gouge your eyes out when your screen keeps freezing up on the day your report is due.  I know that it can drive you to insanity when all of your e-mails suddenly disappear into oblivion.  But please - I beg you - don't take it out on the guy (or gal) who is trying to help.

This ain't no Micky D's.
One thing that may help you get through this difficult and trying experience is to go ahead and accept this fact:  that computer repairs do not equate fast food drive-through windows.  Your tech guy can't reboot your Mac in the same amount of time it takes for you to order a Big Mac. Just to be clear, Mac ≠  Big Mac.  Believe it or not, computers don't talk and usually can't tell you what's wrong with them.  Sometimes diagnostics can take hours, or even days and sometimes your tech guy just can't predict precisely when you will be reunited with your love again.  Please be patient.  I promise you, contrary to popular belief, your tech guy is not busy scheming different ways to drive you crazy down in the basement while he plays violent video games...on the clock.
Let it be pried from your cold, dead hands.
While you may feel naked and vulnerable giving up your prized possession, at the end of the day, it's just a pile of metal and glass.  If you don't let your tech guy have your machine, how is it that you expect it to get fixed again?  Oh, that's right, you want him to work around your schedule and you want to stand there, over his shoulder, "monitoring" the repair process personally.  You know, just to make sure that shady tech guy doesn't hack into your back account (or figure out you've been surfing porn on the job).

Your time is not more valuable than others.
You may think that your company will absolutely fall apart if you don't have 24-access to your computer, but please don't complain about your broken machine AND remain perpetually too busy and too important to make time for it to be repaired.  Believe it or not, your tech guy also keeps a calendar and makes appointments - so don't keep cancelling on him.  Don't insist that the only time he can work on your machine is after hours when you're not working.  Newsflash:  Tech guy gets to go home to his family too.

Don't pull that Dr. Jekyll/ Mr. Hyde crap.
Oh, the entire tech department is on to you.  They see how you smile at the President, feed stray cats, and advocate for the oppressed, but then turn around and throw a temper tantrum when your laptop freezes up.  They may sit there and take your verbal abuse as you express your frustration with profanity, disrespect, and personal attacks, but dude, you aren't fooling anyone. They know you're crazy.  They've seen your internet search history.

Who You Callin' Stupid?
When the system goes down, and doesn't come back up in (gasp!) 5 seconds, please refrain from public defamation of tech guy's character on Twitter.  No, they are not lazy, stupid, and incompetent human beings - actually most of their IQ's are probably significantly higher than yours.  Breathe in, breathe out, and rest assured that they are trying to fix the problem as soon as possible.  Even if it means leaving their 4-year old son on Christmas Eve just so you can get back to your Facebook newsfeed.

Tech Guy's Wife

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