Friday, June 7, 2013

The Secret Lives Of Interracial Families

Act 158:  Have Cheerios for breakfast tomorrow.

Dear Cheerios Haters,

I can understand how you found the most recent Cheerios commercial depicting an interracial family somewhat offensive.  It must have made your stomach turn to see all the giggling, the smiling, the cuteness.  And who are we kidding, bi-racial daughters couldn't possibly care about the health and well-being of their fathers.  That little girl was probably trying to suffocate her daddy by pouring that box all over him while he was sleeping.  I know at least three such families, and I can attest -  it's a shame how these people live their lives.  On the outside, they may appear to be smiling and happy, but behind closed doors, they are barely making it.  I bet they can't even afford to buy real Cheerios.  Here are some of the things they seem to struggle with daily.  Please brace yourself, this isn't for the faint of heart:

1.  Getting to work and school on time every morning (with something besides a pop tart in their bellies) 
2.  Making time for the treadmill, the gym, or a walk in the neighborhood
3.  Shuffling kids between dance class, softball practice, and archery tournaments
4.  Figuring out how to stretch their paychecks to pay for all of those things and maybe still squeeze in a summer family vacation
5.  Resisting the urge to constantly check work e-mails at home
6.  Constantly trying to put nutritious meals on the table  (figuring out how to make brussel sprouts appealing to 5-year olds)
7.  Balancing career demands/aspirations with family needs 
8.  Bickering about who's turn it is to do the dishes
9.  Teaching toddlers how not to lock themselves in bathrooms

Like I said, it's a shame that these families choose to live like this.  Clearly, their racial composition is tearing apart the very fabric of the American family.  It's just so unnatural.  Oh, there's one last thing I left off this list.

10.  Fighting to bring up children believing in values like love, compassion, and hope - in a world where people like you still exist.

Cheerios Biggest New Fan

If you haven't already seen this appalling ad, take a look: 

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