Why Wait for An Ice Storm?

Act #342: Cuddle on the couch even when you're not snowed in.

Yesterday my hometown awoke to an ice storm, and these are the first six status updates that popped up on my Facebook newsfeed (friends, hope you don't mind me borrowing these - I've kept them anonymous!)

Our weekend plans were definitely derailed by the weather- but we are still in jammies, drinking cocoa with huge marshmallows and eating cream cheese cookies while watching Ella Enchanted.

I so needed a day like this! I'm sad for no church and pageant practice for the kids...but piling on the couch drinking tea and having chocolate chip pancakes is just what this girl needed!

Mountain froze so we got stuck at a friend's house . Thankfully she had all the ingredients so I made biscuits. We have plenty of books and big tales so we are all set.

We're not complaining about being stuck inside with Christmas movies and hot chocolate!

Clean house, clothes in the wash, dogs a'cuddlin', frozen outside elements, a heated blanket, and a great movie.

The world is cancelled and we get to cuddle on the couch!

I was just thinking, what if we didn't have to rely on inclement weather to make these moments happen?  This holiday season, won't you join me and cancel all of your plans one day, just to do this.....

This Blog Is Only For Men

Act #341:  Ask yourself.

This video first hit my newsfeed last week.  Since then, I've seen it shared by 11 of my Facebook friends.....who all happen to be women.  The problem is, this video was made by a man FOR men, yet  I haven't seen any of my male Facebook friends share it.  Here's your chance, guys.   This one's for you.  And thank you for taking a moment.  For caring.  We're counting on you.

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=tlb4Pu23kqw

Legacy

Act #340: Listen and act.

Nelson Mandela 1918-2013

My Resignation Letter

Act #339:  Write your future resignation letter so that you don't lose sight of your goals or get complacent.  And when the time is right, go ahead and make room for others to step up.

July 1, 2017

Dear Board of Directors and Colleagues,

Please accept this letter as my notice of resignation. Thank you for allowing me to respond to a life calling that in many ways was beyond my control.   When I first stepped into this role 5 years ago, I had never really been in a work environment where every single person fully and whole-heartedly stood behind such a powerful shared mission: To eradicate sexual violence.  Thank God for spirited and dedicated souls like you who have never stopped believing in something that so many have felt defeated over.  While I may have served at the helm during this time, it truly is YOU who deserves all the credit.  YOU have propelled a single brick and mortar organization of 16 into a social justice movement of thousands of survivors, volunteers, community members, local businesses, and everyday ordinary people who care about eradicating sexual violence. 

YOU have stabilized and diversified the financial framework for our operations by inviting local businesses, concerned individuals, regional grant makers, and other funding organizations and foundations to directly contribute to an issue that so greatly impacts their own communities.  Because of you, we no longer sit at the edge of our seats at the end of fiscal years, vulnerable to government shut-downs and sequestrations.  YOU have taken us back to our founding roots 45 years ago, and have invited our local community to once again become an integral part of the solution. 

YOU have made our services more accessible and our doors more approachable to the most vulnerable survivors. Because of you, we now help train local faith leaders to identify and help survivors in crisis.  Because of you we now have established partnerships with retirement homes and senior centers, multi-cultural community centers, and LGBT advocates.  Because of you, we are now working with local school districts in all 17 of our counties to implement violence prevention education at the high school, middle school, and elementary school levels.  Because of you, we are once again, the movement on which we were founded.

YOU have had extraordinary courage to be willing to look critically at ourselves.  To challenge the way things have been done, and to step outside our own comfort zones to meet new and emerging challenges.  Thank you for your willingness to do what was sometimes painful:  to truthfully assess and measure our own effectiveness, and to restructure and adjust our operations to ensure that we are making real impact.

YOU have thrown open, the doors of access by offering different ways of healing to those who need us most by your commitment to meet people where they are through: quality, research-driven, trauma-informed therapy, community writing workshops, expressive photography groups, equine-assisted therapy, yoga and tai chi classes, and weekend healing retreats.

YOU have redefined what it means to be a survivor of rape and sexual violence in central Kentucky.  You have transformed our unmarked, unpublished "centers" into welcoming places of respite and calm for survivors to heal alongside advocates, volunteers, and staff who can help surround them with light and uplift their spirits.  You have slowly and gently helped survivors find their own place and voice in the movement - whether it's merely having the strength to seek help, sharing their story, or maybe even volunteering one day.   Most importantly, you have listened - not only to the research, the experts, and the conference professionals, but perhaps to the voice that matters the most - the very individuals we are supposed to be serving.

Like I said, you have done the impossible.  In five short years, you have reached out to more survivors and empowered entire communities of advocates.  And I promise you, this will make all the difference.  Because of you, maybe, just maybe, we now really do have a shot at eradicating sexual violence.  Your continuing work and your outstanding mission will always, always be supported by me.

Once as advocate, always an advocate,
Mae Suramek

Coming Out With The New Normal At The Office Potluck

Act #338: Bring your own "normal" to this year's holiday potluck.

Imagine this:  An all-American, cute-as-a-button 8 year old girl with pigtails growing up in Suburban Chicago.  Just like all the other kids, on Sunday afternoons, she rode her Barbie bike with pink tassels.  She and her friends LOVED Wednesdays because they served tacos in the school cafeteria.  Just like the other kids, her favorite show was Wonder Woman and she could jump rope for hours. 

But she had a secret that she never told any of her 8-year old friends at school.  Each night while they all sat down to hearty dinners of Shake and Bake pork chops and meatloaf and mashed potatoes, her family sat down to heaping bowls of steamed rice and ginger chicken stir-fry, egg omelets filled with ground chicken and garlic, rice noodles with sweet soy sauce. And oh how she longed for a "normal" family dinner with buttery rolls instead of jasmine rice and scalloped potatoes instead of peppery, stir-fried cabbage. She secretly dreamed of a day that she could grow up and only eat these normal foods.

Yesterday, that girl (who turned 41 this year), had a holiday potluck at work.  This was her chance to prove to the world that she was "normal".  Her options were unlimited!  She could bring chocolate oatmeal cookies, peppermint fudge, hot apple cider, or butterscotch brownies.  But instead, she brought a crockpot filled with her mom's aromatic and creamy coconut lemongrass soup (tom ka gai).   She served about 30 or so little cups filled with this soup - garnished with fresh cilantro - to all of her friends and co-workers.  And they thanked her heartily for it.  And they came back for more. 

And oddly enough, it no longer felt strange not to be normal.  In fact, it felt kind of awesome.  

How To Write A Blog Everyday For A Year (And Actually Enjoy It!)

Act #337:  Do what you love with authenticity.

As I wind down my year-long blog project, several people have been asking for tips and advice on how to stay motivated, how to document a particular aspect of everyday thinking, and how to share those thoughts with the world, that in some small way, might add value to someone else's life. If you were to Google "how to write a good blog", you would come across hundreds of articles that will tell you how to increase your blog count, how to market your blog by commenting on other blogs, how to place ads on your page to generate revenue, how to make your blog go viral, how to create a writing plan of topics for your blog, etc.  I have none of that advice for you.  None. 

I have never considered generating income from this blog.  I have never commented on someone else's blog just to get noticed.  Most days I have no idea what I'm going to write about until I sit down in front of my laptop and begin typing. While I have never "gone viral", I have about a thousand regular readers each day and a few of my blogs have been picked up by other websites and feminist on-line magazines, and shared on forum boards and other social media sites.  But by far, the most rewarding part of this experience has been when someone somewhere relates, commiserates, or is impacted by my ordinary, everyday thinking.....and takes the time to tell me about it.  The thing with being a plain Jane is that, most everyone else is too.  We're more alike than we are different.  We have more power to change the world than we give ourselves credit.  If there was a single motivating factor that has driven me to get up at 5 a.m. every day for 365 days, this would be it.  If you are considering starting a blog, please keep that in mind:  what is your blog calling?

So, that's all fine and dandy, but how the heck does one logistically pull this off?  Here's how I did it (with a full-time job and a 6-year old).

1.  I write what I love.  Believe it or not, it's not that hard to just sit down and have an opinion on something you already care about.  I dare say that every one of you has the capacity to do so if you tried.

2.  I find the unexpected in the ordinary.  Throughout the day I'm always mindful of possible blog topics - whether I'm hearing someone tell me about their day, inspired by someone's story, struck by something on the news, or have an opportunity to carry out an everyday act of activism.

3.  I write at my peak creative time of the day.  For me, that happens to be before any of those needy people in my family awake. 

4.  I hold myself publicly accountable.  Those few times I haven't posted first thing in the morning, someone will call me on it.  Are you OK?  Are you sick?  I noticed you didn't post your blog today.  And I will quickly recover from my hang-over and get myself out of bed and to my laptop.   

5.  I sleep with a very indulgent man.  Over the last 11 months, I've had a sick child, overnight trips without internet access, insane work stresses, but my husband has always done everything in his power to make it easy for me to make time for this blog.

6.  I remain human.  I write like I speak.  I make some grave grammatical errors that I know probably make my English major friends cringe.  But I own it.  I apologize as needed...and sometimes I don't.  And I don't stress about it.  After all, I'm just a plain Jane.

7.  If you build it, they will come.  This is probably the most important piece of advice I will give.  Spend your time and energy on your writing - of things that matter to you and to others....not on promoting your blog.  Don't worry about your traffic and blog count.  Don't dream about quitting your job and getting rich over this.  Just do what you love, and do it well with authenticity and reliability.  If the universe is aligned for your blog to bring you fame and fortune, trust me, it will happen on its own.  In the meantime, consider merely settling for this:  creating intentional space in your life to do something that is fulfilling, and that might even have a small chance of touching someone else's life.  Now who's taking over the torch on January 1st?

Photo credit:  The Chaotic Soul

Six Not-So-Charitable Reasons I Don't Exchange Gifts During the Holidays

Act #336: Be true to yourself.

This year marks the fourth year our family has given up on exchanging gifts during the holidays.  Instead, we pool all of the money we would have spent on gifts and donate it to someone who might need it a tad more than we do.  The first year we bought Christmas gifts for the two children of our favorite server at our local Mexican restaurant.  The second, we did the same for a single-parent college student (this time with three children).  The third year, we split about $800 between three different local individuals with various needs ranging from heating assistance to baby cribs.  And this year, well, we are donating to the non-profit that I work with.

Before you stop reading because you think I'm about to get all preachy on you and shove down your throats, our moral obligation to be more conscious consumers and give back to our community, please bear with me.  Confession time:  I have many, many purely selfish reasons for celebrating the stress-free holiday lifestyle that we have acquired since we stopped exchanging gifts.  See for yourself.

Six Not-So-Charitable Reasons I Don't Exchange Gifts During The Holidays

1.  I'm pretty lucky.  At age 41, I don't really need that much.  Usually, if there's something I want, I have been fortunate enough to either buy it immediately or save up a few months to buy it. Gone are the days that I wait an entire year to buy that new pair of boots.  Like I said, I'm pretty lucky, and most of the people in my family and friends circle are also pretty lucky.

2.  I don't read minds.  I love my family, I really do, but God help me if I have to spend another second trying to figure out what color sweater my husband's 92 year-old grandmother might like.  And you know as well as I do, just as soon as I think I've figured it out, she'll be in the return/exchange line the day after Christmas.

3.  I don't do gift cards.  There's no better way to show how much thought you put into a gift, or how much you really know your loved ones than to just hand over a plastic card.

4.  I'm into experience gifts.  I prefer a dinner by a fireplace, a weekend getaway, a stage performance, or a drive in the country over anything that comes in a box.  Naturally, I assume everyone shares this preference with me.  Naturally, I'm wrong most of the time.

5.  I find obligatory giving to be painful.  There's nothing that zaps the joy out of the season for me than having to buy something for someone just because they've bought something for you.  There's grace and reciprocity, and then there's sheer obligation.

6.  I give at natural moments throughout the year.  One of my all-time favorite gift-giving experiences cost me $3.95, when my 60-year old colleague shared a meaningful time in her life when she was a young newlywed who didn't know how to cook.  She got all her recipes from the Manwich cookbook!  I went on e-Bay that day and found her a "vintage" copy.  I didn't wait until December 25th.   

How To Get So Fed Up, That You Do Something About It

Act #335:  Do something.

For seven years, CNN has conducted a search for everyday people doing extraordinary things to help change the world.  This year, the 2013 CNN Hero of the Year is a 38-year old Illinois man by the name of Chad Pregracke.  Chad will receive $250,000 to continue his work cleaning up trash in U.S. waterways.  In true hero form, he has pledged to give $10,000 to each of the other 9 Hero of the Year finalists who range from urban gardeners to youth advocates. 

It all started when Chad spent his summer breaks as a high school student working for some extra cash, as a commercial shell diver in the Mississippi River.  He began to notice large amounts of debris in the waterway, which supplies drinking water to 18 million people in more than 50 U.S. cities.  So at age 17, he started complaining to government officials, but nothing changed.  In his own words, "I saw thousands of barrels, thousands of tires, cars, trucks and tops of school buses. ... I got sick of seeing it and just wanted to do something about it." 

So at age 23, he created the non-profit, Living Lands & Waters, that organizes community cleanups across the country. These days, for 9 months out of the year, Chad and his 12-person crew live on a barge, traveling the country with a fleet of boats, organizing clean-ups that are fun for the volunteers who show up in each city.  Close to 90% of what they recover is recycled.   Over the past 15 years, 70,000 volunteers have worked alongside Chad and collected more than 7 million pounds of trash

Anything YOU might be fed up with in your community?   Here's your chance to be extraordinarily ordinary.  Take it from Chad:  do something.

Note:  Excerpts for from cnn.com.

 

Why We Don't Wait Around For Santa

Act #334:  There are plenty of magical things about the holidays.

Note:  I wrote this three years ago, but much of it still rings true to our family, although there seem to be more questions about Santa this year. 

The cool dude with the beard.  Yes, that’s exactly what my 3-year old, Jack thinks of Santa – and we’re perfectly OK with that.  When people ask us why we’re not raising Jack to “believe” in Santa, here’s the thing – we’re not really raising him NOT to believe in Santa.  In fact we read books about Santa, we comment about Santa when we see him in the mall or in one of our favorite Christmas movies, “Polar Express.”  We’ve never told Jack {spoiler alert} that Santa doesn’t exist.  We simply choose not to perpetuate the myth that a stranger with no connection to our son whatsoever, will be bringing him an abundance of presents just as long as he promises to be good.

Come to find out, it’s not so easy to raise a kid in Berea, KY not to believe in the jolly old fella.  Before Christmas, people were constantly asking Jack, “What is Santa going to bring you?” and they walked away appalled when he responded by saying, “Nothing.  Mommy and Daddy already bought my presents!”  Even worse, after Christmas, when people asked, “What did Santa bring you Jack?” he replied, “Nothing.  Santa didn’t come to my house.”   I could just feel the pity and wrath of judgment piercing through my soul.  Based on these events of Christmases past, I thought it would be a good idea to try to articulate exactly why it is that we choose not to encourage our son to believe in the existence of St. Nick - so here goes:

1.  We want to teach our son that gratitude is just as important as giving itself.  We want him to have a connection with, and sincere appreciation for someone who has taken the time to give of themselves to him – his grandparents, family friends, his parents, and not someone he will never come to meet or know, or even be able to thank.

2.  We don’t want gifts to take center stage during the holidays.  We want to foster childhood memories that include holidays as a time to reflect on the importance of giving to others and being part of a community, rather than a year-long anticipation and build-up on the receiving of material goods.

3.  We want our son’s motives to “be good” to be intrinsic in nature, and not derived from a desire to make the cut on some fictional “nice” list.  As Santa himself would say, be good for goodness sake!

4.  And last but not least, I’m  halfway joking and halfway serious on this one – we’ll perpetuate the notion of Santa the day that we can explain to our son, why it is that Santa is so unfairly biased towards rich kids.

Have we killed the magic of Christmas?  Ruined our son’s childhood?  You be the judge.  This is what you’d probably hear (honestly) if you asked Jack what this past Christmas has meant to him:

Staying in a mountain cabin with baby Miles and Uncle Ronnie, making snow angels while daddy shoveled Miss Noreen’s driveway, seeing the national gingerbread house display in Asheville, shopping for 3 kids who don’t have a mommy and whose daddy doesn’t have a lot of money to buy them clothes and toys, seeing the model train display at the Children’s museum, eagerly anticipating the arrival of a brown paper package sent from Khun Ta & Khun Yai (his Thai grandparents), sleepover at granny's complete with homemade brownies and watching “A Christmas Carol”, spending Christmas Eve with pop and granny - his two living paternal GREAT grandparents (how special is that?), waking up every day for two weeks to mommy NOT rushing to get to work, cuddling and kissing on him, eating our traditional Chinese buffet lunch with our urban family on Christmas day.  Because at the end of the day, it’s not about the gifts, or the tree, or the turkey, it’s about being with people you love, and reaching out to others who could use a little love themselves. 

Now if that isn’t magical, I don’t know what is.

Why Do We Call It Black Friday Anyway?

Act #333:  Go ahead, start your own Black Friday tradition.

The name "Black Friday" apparently originated in 1961 from the Philadelphia Police Department who coined the term for the Friday following Thanksgiving because of the headaches, traffic, mayhem, and sometimes even violence surrounding "the first official shopping day of the season." Later, retailers began explaining Black Friday as the point at which they began to turn a profit, or be "in the black." 

This Black Friday, rather than commemorate with a day of mayhem and profit (mostly because we're still recovering from yesterday's food coma and shopping makes me want to gouge my eyes out), we ate pumpkin pie for breakfast and watched three Christmas movies back-to-back in our jammies.  My husband and I sat on the couch holding hands under a cozy blanket with a 6-year old with pink eye wedged in between us (hope those antibiotics work).  No judgment here if you got a jumpstart on your holiday shopping this morning at 3 a.m.  After all, you were probably out there shopping for others.  Alas, we missed out and didn't score any half-price iPad Mini's or any buy-one, get-one free yoga pants.  But in more ways than one, at least the three of us feel like we came out way ahead of the game.  In fact, Black Friday was so darn "successful", we may go ahead and continue with Black Saturday and Black Sunday.

Thank you for your insane Black Friday knowledge About.com and Wikipedia.com!