I saw this list: 18 Things I Will Not Regret Doing With My Husband on a friend's Facebook page, and really had no choice but to write my own. Why do lists like these always make me feel like I'm a complete outcast to American society? Is it because I'm brown? A feminist? A seeker? A freakshow? Are there others out there also cursed with never having things apply to them? Here's my version of 18 Things.
1. Freeing him to find joy outside our marriage. This man has hobbies. And for that I am grateful. When he's cooped up in the garage fixing up a Mini Cooper with 157,000 miles on it, or having a zombie apocalypse midnight movie marathon in the den, it also gives me space and time to pursue my own interests, or have quality one-on-one time with our son. The time away from each other actually makes us appreciate one another more when we're together....and the outside interests give us something to talk about. I know way more about crank shafts and World War Z than I should.
2. Letting him cry like a baby.
Just like me, he hurts. Something about being human and all. I've always made him well aware that I only think even more highly of him when he is able to let down his guard and express his true emotions with me....even if he has a penis.
3. Visualizing our bitter, messy divorce. Maybe it's because I've been divorced before, but I do not take one second of my marriage for granted. I do not think that we are immune from the statistics, the temptations, the challenges - and because of that, I work harder at making sure our connection continues to be strong.
4. Vacationing with him....and my
ex-husband. My ex-husband is gay. And he also happens to be my best friend. In a crazy, completely unorthodox way, we've formed a wonderful and supportive chosen family. Most of my friends think I'm incredibly lucky. I tend to agree.
5. Accompanying him to Comic-Con. Before I met my husband I never knew that real-life Sheldon Coopers existed. Grown men who camped out in front of theaters and had comic book collections that could probably fund your kid's first year of college. And to be honest, I didn't really get it. BUT, I get him. And by golly, if this man accompanies me to diversity dialogs and watches HGTV marathons with me, I will dress up like an Asian Wonder Woman and travel to San Diego with him.
6. Giving him the privilege of changing
the first poopy diaper. I have a picture of this and it is priceless. While I was laid up recovering from someone cutting my stomach open, setting my spleen to the side, and pulling out a 6 pound human being, I happily stepped aside to allow my husband to change our son's first diaper. He would go on to change about 80% of the ones that followed as well. And his son loves him for it.
7. Loving him through loss, grief, unsuccessful
E-bay bids, and the big ‘ol mess of emotional baggage that he came with. Life ain't always pretty folks. But you love each other through it all anyway. Romance alone, just doesn't seem to cut it when one is drowning in sorrow and despair.
8. Freeing him to follow me. It is true, I have freed him from all societal pressures to be the sole leader of this family. Instead, we take turns leading at moments when our natural skills and instincts allow us to step up to take charge. Call us crazy, but we dig balance...and the equal capabilities of the female brain.
9. Holding his hand. Quite possibly the only cheesy activity that we partake in, we do it everywhere. Under tables at restaurants, under the covers, and in broad daylight.
10. Dropping our kid off at school
together as a family for the first 6 years of his life. We're cutting him to the curb by 2nd grade. Yes we can.
11. Expressing love through sarcasm,
wit, and humor. I could not imagine a life partner who didn't laugh with me while watching Hangover or Office Space....or who sent me Hallmark love poems.....or called me love bunny.
12. Dreaming with him. Together, we've built an Alice In Wonderland backyard courtyard oasis, traveled by train through the Canadian Rockies to Banf, danced at our son's wedding, and opened a gourmet hot dog stand.
13. Disagreeing with him. He may or may not regret this. But I never do. Makes us spicy, saucy, interesting, and what on earth would we talk about if we already agreed on everything?
14. Experiencing “firsts” together. When you marry later in life, this can be quite a bit challenging, but there is something just so awesome about doing something together that neither of you have ever done before. You should try it.
15. Acting like a goofball with him. Whether it involves earth-shattering karaoke (literally earth shattering), sliding down a massive inflatable at the bounce house, or kidnapping our neighbor's ceramic bears to dress them up every major holiday.....there's nothing better for the soul than to act pure and simple silly.
16. Evolving with him. Through #13, we've learned from each other, challenged our own belief systems, and grown together.
17. Seeing God ...in the shapes of the clouds, at the top of the Pinnacle, and in the chocolatey, boogery face of an oblivious, sleeping toddler.
18. Visualizing two rocking chairs, a mountain view, and a lifetime of Depends. And if we make it to the end our journeys together, there's nowhere else I'd rather be.
I sure hope these people aren't real.
Just in case, I'm sorry. You are cute.
Haven't you heard? Being a freakshow is in style! Even though I'm white and a Christian and all that normal American stuff I feel like a complete outcast too oftentimes. I like your list and I think every couple could benefit from a personalized one.
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